The Right Way to Use Self-Deprecation

I just had a game-changing revelation about self-deprecation, thanks to a guy on Twitter. 

I liked a thread he had posted about storytelling and decided to sign up for his newsletter. And in five minutes of reading, he opened my eyes about the subtlety between good and bad expressions of self-deprecation. 

Saying what you’re not is funnier and more effective than saying what you are. Take this example. Which one is funnier? 

“I’m an idiot.” 
“I’m not that smart.”

Here are a few more examples: 

“I’m a bald guy.” 
“I’m no Jason Mamoa.” 

“I’m always late.”
“I’m never early.”

“I’m a terrible cook.” 
“I’m not a master chef.”

Some people mistake self-deprecation for honesty about your flaws. But with the second approach, there's a wink in your eye. Otherwise, listeners may feel like they have to make you feel better (which is not the point of self-deprecation). 

As my new Twitter friend says, “The second sentence presents the potential for the opposite. It’s possible to be clever, but I’m not. It’s possible to be fast, but I’m not. It’s possible to look good, but I don’t. The power of negatives is in the juxtaposition. It hammers home the allure of the opposite. Whereas if you state the positive, no opposite is implied.” 

Hat tip: @NathanBaugh