Personal reveals: Scars vs. wounds
You may have heard me say, in a meeting or even one of these emails, that it’s better to talk about your scars than your wounds.
Scars mean that you have some distance from the pain you experienced, and with distance usually comes healing, perspective and wisdom.
Wounds, on the other hand, can be raw, messy, even out of control. Blood everywhere! And we never want to make the audience feel like they need to help us feel better. They have enough going on to have to take care of us too.
But I’ve come to soften the edges of this thinking. I was listening to author Glennon Doyle’s podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, not long ago where she decided to share her relapse of an eating disorder. She said she didn’t want to wait until she had fully recovered to reveal her struggle, because that wasn’t being honest with her followers.
Doyle wrote on her Instagram page, “This year, we are going to be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyway.” Not a scar yet, but more self-assured than a wound. Something new.
I guess what I’m saying is this: If you wait until something is a scar, the audience may miss the true chance to connect with you. If you come on two years after your cancer diagnosis and say, "Yeah that was awful but I’m fine now," is that as connection-building as admitting that you’re currently in treatment? No.
It’s nuanced, but if you have the self-awareness to be somewhat grounded while experiencing something hard, sharing it will not only help you. It will help the people in your audience who are going through their own hard thing. And it helps build community as well.
If you read my email a few weeks ago about my living through the recent fires in California, that was my effort to try to take this advice to heart myself – admitting vulnerability at a harrowing time but without panic or neediness (hopefully).
I’m curious if you’ve revealed anything like this recently and how it went for you. Reply to this email and share your story!
Keep showing up!
~ Angela
