Why do we remember the negative?

Why do we tend to remember the negative – about a person, a vacation, a past job, even feedback from a coach? It’s called the negativity bias. Negative thoughts are stickier – they latch on like velcro. And then add our incessant need to replay that embarrassing moment, that mean comment, whatever, over and over and over. It’s enough to make a person crazy. 

Getting out of the negative thought loop is a challenge. One quick way out is to ask yourself this: What else is true? And what else? Chances are, there were some positives in there that slipped right through.

Another trick is to ask, “On a scale of 1-10, how bad was your date/meeting/colonoscopy?” Even if it’s bad, people typically say 2 or 3. Follow up with, “Well why wasn’t it a 1?” and you will get the answer to “What else?” (e.g. well, I got to check out a new restaurant... there were free snacks... I don’t have cancer…) It’s not all negative. It’s never all negative. 

Stick with me for this... I have to preface it, because I read a tip once that a hug needs to be 20 seconds long to enjoy the benefits. I tried it with my kids. It didn’t go over well. But this one, though it may sound similar, you can do without anyone else saying you’re weird. Here’s what you do: 

When something positive happens – say, you see a beautiful sunset or someone pays you a compliment – give yourself 9-22 seconds to take it in. Let the positivity land, not only in your mind, but in your whole nervous system. 

We are building a case all the time, in every situation. What evidence are you collecting? 

Let me know at angela@angelaperelli.com!